1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
