My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
