I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
