Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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