The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
