Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
