OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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