The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
