Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
