what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
