I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
