doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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