My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
