Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
