why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
