awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
