fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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