As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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