Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
