about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
