you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
