New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
