Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
God, I missed his penis.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
