SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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