You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
