I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
