guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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