I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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