so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
