My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
