and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
