Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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