I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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