dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
