After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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