I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wish I could teleport
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
