I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
