The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
