I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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