Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
