I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
