It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Welp...herpes.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
