i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
