I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
