what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
