Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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