U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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