Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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