his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
