I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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