thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
