If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
