She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
